Not Enough
by VintageOppression
Summary: James and Lily are admitted to St. Mungo’s after being tortured into a coma by Voldemort, Sirius and Remus take Harry in. Intense feelings fester when not expressed. Remus/Sirius. Slash. AU


Not Enough

Summery: James and Lily are admitted to St. Mungo's after being tortured into a coma by Voldemort, Sirius and Remus take Harry in. Intense feelings fester when not expressed.

Rating: PG-13; Angst; excessive swearing, mention of torture and all around unhappiness

Author's Note: Many, many apologies for my absence. I've been on vacation and writer's block is a major bitch. This one's a little different, so I hope you like it.

* * *

'_The peasant-made-up-as-a-prince helped out his hand to the princess and asked her 'Do you trust me?' The princess gazed up into the face of the same peasant boy she had seen in the market place. She paused, studying his eyes. She saw beyond his intimidation and the man he pretended he was for fear of loosing her affection to the soft reverence he had for her._

_"Yes,' she said hesitantly. The would-be-prince grasped her hand overeagerly and they toppled back onto the flying carpet. The princess gasped as her father's palace disappeared as the flying carpet soared higher. The prince held her close and whispered softly in her ear, 'let me show you a world you've never seen.'_

Remus Lupin carefully closed the storybook after dutifully returning the bookmark to its resting place between pages 24 and 25.

'Don't stop, I'm not tired,' three year old Harry moaned from beneath the piles of blankets an overprotected godfather had insisted he have.

'Yes, you are,' Remus chuckled, tucking in his godson.

'I wanted to hear more about the princess and the prince and the funny rug.' Remus smiled; Harry was such a vision of his father, even the boy's preoccupation with flight was just like his father's. His stomach glanced, and Remus swallowed past the lump in his throat.

'I'll finish the story tomorrow.' Remus waited for the sleepy question that had come every night since Harry had come to live with Uncle Remus and Sirius.

'Will you be here when I wake up,' was the sleepy reply, so soft Remus would have missed it had he not heard it before.

'Of course, Harry. I'll always be here for you.' He kissed his best friend's child and flicked off the orange rocket ship bed side light. 'I love you, Harry. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite,' he murmured, more to himself than to the sleeping child. A floorboard creaked behind him, alerting the lycanthrope to his lover's presence.

'Sirius,' he muttered softly, turning to look at his drawn face. 'How long have you been standing there?' His answer was met with a shrug which translated to 'longer than Sirius dared admit.'

'He wanted you to read him the story tonight,' Remus pushed passed Sirius into the hallway, pulling his sweater over his head. His voice was clipped and stern.

'I wasn't up to it,' Sirius said casually. He pulled Harry's door closed with a click before starting down the hall to this room.

'When will you feel up to it,' Remus asked painstakingly folding his trousers before tucking them back into their dresser. His voice held a thinly veiled strain.

'I don't know.' Sirius undressed quickly, tossing his shirt and jeans in the corner behind the door, pulling out clean boxers from his underwear drawer.

'It's been six months, Sirius. You hardly act like the poor child exists,' Remus was beginning to implore him, like he had every night for so long now.

'He isn't my son,' he said with a snarl.

"You're his godfather,' Remus said, his calm voice rising slightly from anger.

'So are you. You take care of the kid. I didn't sign up for this.'

'And you think I did?' Remus turned down the sheets on his side of the bed -the silk sheets Sirius insisting on - feeling exceedingly cold in the English winter temperatures. 'Do you think I'm happy about what happened to Lily and Ja-,'

'Don't bring them into this!' Sirius stood beside the Oak bed like a statue, tension clenching in his muscles.

'They are part of this," Remus replied, his voice down to its naturally soothing level. 'How much time do you spend at the hospital with them?' Sirius did not reply, climbing into the bed making sure to stay as far from Remus as he could. 'Four hours, five, after work. Nine to twelve on the weekends if you can manage. They don't even know you're there. Harry and I need you here, Sirius. We understand what you're going through.' Sirius lashed out, jumping to his feet at once. 'I need you here,' he said softer this time.

'You don't know anything! You and that winey little brat!'

'That 'winey brat' watched his parents be tortured into a coma and was almost murdered by a mad man!' Remus crawled across the bed to his enraged friend and lover.

'Tried and failed, Remus. Don't turn him into some sort of hero.'

'He is a hero. But he's a hurt and scared hero who needs all the love he can get.' Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, trying to kiss him. Sirius turned away.

'Sirius, I love you; you're not alone in this.' Sirius grabbed his pillow and a blanket from the foot of their bed.

'I'm sleeping on the couch,' he said emotionlessly before storming out. Remus dropped his head into his hands and bit back a dry sob. He knew already that sleep would not come tonight.

* * *

'Would you fucking listen to me, just for once,' Remus screamed, breaking the plate he was holding accidently.

'Why bother? You never say is ever anything different.' Sirius snarled at him, standing so quickly the chair he was sitting in toppled over backward.

'He's your godson, Sirius. He needs you! At least love him if you can't love me.' The sentence ended in a sob, and the lycanthrope covered his mouth with a dish rag to keep from breaking into hysterics. Remus knew his attack was below the belt even before he had finished the sentence.

'Shut the fuck up,' Sirius screamed, the cabinet doors slamming around them as his magic flared in his rage. 'Don't bloody patronize me, Lupin.'

'You can't say it, can you,' Remus taunted. 'You can't even say that you love me anymore.'

'Oh, you're one to talk! You don't even care about Ja-," he choked, looking as though he was in serious pain. 'You only care about yourself and that little bastard!'

'That's rich, Sirius. You're never home! And when you are you're so drunk it's as though you weren't.'

'When I am home you're pretending to be a fucking woman and taking care of what's his name. I work all day and see our friends who are in the hospital.'

'I'm not a woman because I clean up after your fucking arse. Harry needs some semblance of a family and it's up to me since you're off being irresponsible.'

'Irresponsible? I'm the one with the job, Lupin!' Remus flinched.

'You're a bastard, you know that.' Sirius clenched his fists, the twinkle in Remus' eyes only angering him more.

'You've never even gone to see them,' he said, his voice dangerously low.

'You've never spoken to Harry in more than one syllable words.'

'Even when we got the call they were in the hospital, you didn't go. You took care of him.'

'Harry is alive, Sirius! He needs someone to take care of him!'

'James and Lily aren't dead!'

'They might as well be. They might never come out of their coma.' Sirius stepped back.

'Is that really what you think?'

'I love them just as much as you do.'

'Then why haven't you gone to see them?'

'I'm not playing this game with you!'

'Why haven't you gone to see them?'

'We're not having this conversation.'

'Why not!'

'Because I'm bloody terrified! Is that a good enough answer for you? I'm terrified to see my two best friends. I'm horrified by what happened to them. And I'm even more horrified about what they're going to be like if they wake up. No one goes through that much torture and comes out the same." Remus brushed away his tears, stepping closer to Sirius. 'Sirius. Padfoot. Please," he wrapped his arms around him. 'Please,' he begged again. Sirius leaned closer to his boyfriend, his lips brushing against Remus' ear.

'You disgust me.' Remus stepped away, trembling.

'What the hell do you want from me? I'm doing the best I can.'

'Why don't you fucking run along and take care of that son of a b-,'

'Remus,' a frightened voice said from the door way. Sirius and Remus turned to see Harry, obviously woken by their screaming, standing clutching his stuffed animal rabbit, tears in his eyes.

'Come here, darling. Everything is ok." Remus leaned down and opened his arms for his godson to fling himself into. 'It's going to be alright,' he crooned, hugging fierily. Tears trickled down his haggard cheeks as he closed his eyes, curled around the little boy who was probably the only person in the world who loved him at the moment. "Here were are, why don't we go and read a story, yeh?" Harry nodded sadly.

'Yeh.' Remus stood, holding Harry somewhat uncomfortably on hips that were not designed for carrying children. Sirius glared at the both of them.

'I'm going out.'

'Where?'

'Out," Sirius grabbed Remus' worn leather jacket by accident.

'I thought we were stronger than this, Sirius,' Remus called over Harry's head. 'You made me believe we were stronger.' Sirius did not respond and apparated without looking back.

'Did I make Uncle Sirius leave,' Harry asked in his childish voice.

'No, Harry. Never think that,' Remus held the boy tightly and made sure to look into the green eyes that reminded him so much of Lily. 'Uncle Sirius and I were having a fight, but it will be ok.'

'Is he going to leave us?' Harry scrubbed his little fist against his eye.

'Never, Harry. Never. We are both always going to be around to take care of you.' But even to himself, Remus' assurance was unconvincing. 'Come on, let's go read a story.'

'Can we finish that one about the city and the building and the car?' Remus gave a ghost of a smile, knowing just the story Harry was asking for.

'Sure, kiddo. Whatever you want.' Remus tucked the little boy into his bed and opened the story book.

_'Like they promised, both the man and the woman made their way separately to the Empire State Building –_ (That's a skyscraper, Harry, a large building)_ – when the woman, so entranced at the building, did not look when she was crossing the street and was hit by a car-,'_

Remus tried not to look at Harry's sad, drawn face as he read, because he knew it had nothing to do with the story.

* * *

A single dying light bulb flickered over Sirius' head, illuminating the dregs of his pint. Another melancholy song fizzled in and out of reception on the only radio just for the other lonely customers' like him.

'Another,' he rasped, slamming his empty glass back onto the counter. A stream of beer escaped his lips and trickled down his scruffy chin but Sirius could not find the desire to care for his appearance.

'You've had too many as it is. What – the missus mad at you?' Sirius laid his head against the counter, smelling stale beer and vomit. He winced.

'Not exactly. It's the Mr. and he has every right.' Sirius peeled his face off the counter, fumbling in his pocket for money. 'I've been a bloody arse lately. Major twat. I just – I don't know how to stop.' He pushed the heels of his hands against his blurring eyes. 'I just don't want to loose them – the both of them. Oh G-God,' he stuttered, hiccupping through rising tears he fought to quell. 'If I ever l-lost him, if I ever lost him,' he repeated.

'If I was you, I'd head home and fix this mess then. You'll kick yourself if you don't, and I need the chair.' Sirius pulled money from his pocket and threw it on the counter, not even bothering the count.

'What are you – a pirate? What am I going to do with gold coins?' Sirius glared at the 'gold coins' confused in his drunken stupor.

'They're galleons,' he said as though it explained everything.

'Sorry, mate. But I can't take them. Do you have any real cash?' Sirius groaned and managed to produce the correct currency before making his way to the bathroom to apparate back home. Once in their foyer he refrained from hollering until he located Remus, vaguely remembering that there was a sleeping child somewhere. Dutifully he trudged upstairs, flinching when the occasional floorboard creaked.

'Merlin, Remus is going to be pissed,' he muttered to himself, smelling the stale wreak of beer that clung to his cloths.

He found Remus asleep on the floor beside their bed, half his body under his side of their bed as though he had been hiding there. His face was ruddy from crying and his hair stuck to his cheeks and the corner of his mouth. Clenched in his hands was the photo album he had kept in the hidden recesses beneath his bed at Hogwarts and which, coincidently he had kept under his half of the bed after their school days were over. Sirius' felt his heart clench at the sight of his lover.

Sirius tugged the book away from his lover, making sure not to wake him. Inside on the first page he saw their graduation photo of the Marauders' and Lily. James grinning manically at the camera as if to say 'See? I finally got her!' and Lily clinging to him as she smiled at her achievements'. Sirius looked at the picture of himself, many years younger, looking at Remus softly before smiling at the camera, his rambunctious nature calmed when Remus held him just like _that. _And Remus was giddy, glancing at Sirius when he didn't think the animagus could see him, until finally he leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

Sirius painfully turned his gaze to the last character in the frame. Peter had his arms cross across his chest, or he would have if someone had not blasted his face off the photo, charring the rest of his body in the process. Sirius quickly flipped several more pages to the next photo of Peter – this too having been blasted off. And so were the rest.

Remus woke up to a back ache and strangled sobs. He shuffled out from under the bed to see Sirius staring at a photo of James' and Lily's wedding. No blasting had been done to this photo; Peter had not been able to attend James' wedding. Only in retrospect did they know why.

'Sirius,' he whispered, placing a hand on this lover's trembling shoulder. Sirius flinched and pulled back.

'Remus, I'm – I'm,' Sirius had always been rubbish at apologizing and Remus had always been rubbish at staying angry. 'I'm so sorry,' he finally managed to whimper. Remus tried to pull him into an embrace but Sirius fought it. 'I can't,' he muttered into his hands. 'If I – if you. I just can't.'

'Sirius, please,' Remus whimpered, rubbing his face against Sirius' bent knee. 'Just tonight. Please, I need you to act like you care for just tonight,' he drew a stuttering breath.

'I've always cared, Remus. I l-love you."

'Voldemort is gone, Sirius. You're never going to loose Harry or me. Please, just please,' he begged. Sirius replied by taking Remus into his arms, cradling the lycanthrope delicately. And Remus just muttered 'thank you.'

* * *

Harry was drawing furiously the next morning while Sirius cooked breakfast for the whole family.

'_And the prince rushed up the stair case to the chamber at the top of the tallest tower and leaned down beside her bed and kissed the princess. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked upon her one true love. They married that night and lived happily ever-,'_

'Mother Fu-,' Sirius began to yell, burning himself on the skillet.

'Harry, dear, why don't you go color in the living room, your uncle and I will be right in with breakfast.' Harry nodded and collecting his things before leaving. Remus stood up with a groan, his muscles protesting from how he had slept the previous night. 'Sirius,' he murmured, sliding his arms around his lover's waist. 'Let me see your hand.'

'It's nothing. More of a shock than anything.' He signed. 'If this was a story, Remus, I would have written a happier ending.'

'We haven't seen the end yet,' Remus slipped in front of his lover, kissing him gently. 'I love you, Sirius. And I'm going to spend the rest of our lives showing you that. Nothing will take me away from you. Nothing.' Sirius tugged him closer.

'I didn't want to-,' he closed his eyes and swallowed. 'It could have been you instead of them.'

He smiled the smallest ghost of the smile. It was the first in a long time and a start.

The shrill ring of the telephone broke the moment. Remus pulled himself away and picked up the receiver.

'Black residence, this is Remus Lupin speaking.' His reserved face turned ashen. He pulled the receiver away from his face to mouth 'St. Mungos' to Sirius who likewise froze. 'Are you sure?' Remus reached for his favorite blue ball point pen and stationary and began to scribble furiously. 'Thank you.'

'What?' Sirius said breathlessly.

'It's James and Lily,' Remus said in disbelief. 'They're out of their coma.' Sirius dared not breathe until he launched himself onto his lover.

'Remus,' he sighed. 'Remus, I'm so-,'

'Shh, it's alright. They're back. I'll go get Harry.'

'Wait! Moons, I love you, too. I'm sorry for making you think you weren't enough for me.'

'I know.' Remus smiled and kissed him. 'It seems you got your happy ending after all.'

And so they did.

* * *

Yeh! Finished! I realize it's more than just a little out of character and impressively sappy. But leave a review? I'll give you an imaginary cookie and promise that the next story I post will have oodles of smut! XD


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